ESSAY
The book “A Princess of Mars” shows an interesting side of the human being, where he can fully engage in many causes, fighting hard to defend what he thinks is right, regardless to if at the moment he is among with his own people or not. It also shows the non-racist side that generates positive results in many relationships.
The figure of John Carter, the hero protagonist of the story is placed in many situations where he must fight for his own life and on other situations where he is part of an army and fights for a people. Several times he showed his righteousness by defending different races, proving that he was determined to defend a cause and not a people in itself. When a human being puts community above their own human values, the bitter fruit of racism are harvested before ripening, causing personal and social conflicts, and also the very war itself. Princess Deja Thoris shows altruism when she is ready to deny her true love for a noble cause and for the good of many.
Even in the most excruciating moments, when the planet was dying from lack of air, the desire to live shows us different paths that are almost impossible to follow: "It shall not be, my princess," I cried. "There is, there must be some way, and John Carter, who has fought his way through a strange world for love of you, will find it."… From where I lay I opened the second door, and then the third, and as I saw the hope of Barsoom crawling weakly on hands and knees through the last doorway I sank unconscious upon the ground.
Edgar Rice Burroughs was succeeded in showing us in this interplanetary adventure that the real conflicts are very close to us, in the recesses of personal pride.
FORM REVIEW
Student 1 →
I think you do a nice job with your essay structure--you have a
definite beginning, middle, and end. There are some areas, however,
where this doesn't quite work grammatically. For example, in the first
sentence, I would eliminate the word "to" in the phrase "regardless to
if at the moment" because that sentence reads a bit rough. I think
working on cleaning up the language a bit would help you get your point
across even better (1).
Student 2 →
Found a number of awkward phrasings and incorrect verb tenses:
"regardless to if at the moment "more succinctly “regardless, if at the
moment” or ”regardless whether, at the moment”.
“Edgar Rice Burroughs was succeeded” would be correctly stated as
follows:” Edgar Rice Burroughs was successful”
Otherwise I felt the overall form of you position was successful
Student 3 → Word usage and paragraph structure is good. I'm not sure of your thesis or your conclusion.
Student 4 → Your sentences were a little awkward and difficult to follow sometimes.
CONTENT REVIEW
Student 1 →
I think the theme of race is a strong one in this particular book and I
love that you take a different view of it, arguing that Carter's
actions can be seen as a reflection of an approach that is not
discriminating. You do a great job in your second paragraph of
supporting your main idea. I think your essay struggles a bit in the
last two paragraphs. The quote you've selected from the book is an
interesting one, but it doesn't quite fit with your overall point. But I
really like the idea you have here (2)
Student 3 →
Your essay is well written, but I had difficulty finding either a
thesis or a conclusion that were tied to each other. This seems to be
more of a plot analysis than an essay which goes more in-depth into the
story. I would like to hear more of your opinion on how the racial
aspects affected John Carter and others in the story.
Student 4 →
I really enjoyed your ideas and where you went with them. The idea of
morality in the actions of John carter were very interesting and helped
alleviate some of the problems I noticed with the characterization.
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